Children Behave Like Children

          I was under the false impression as an idealistic new mother that if I "did everything right" with my children, they  would be obedient, respectful, responsible, God-fearing and generally morally upright citizens. I was going to do it "right" and not make the same mistakes MY parents made.  I was going to impart my wisdom and God's wisdom into their very beings and naturally they would heed it. (Are you laughing yet?)
          Of course many a wise older mother told me differently advising me to do my best but most importantly I needed to pray for my children. Children are born with a sin nature and with a will of their own. "Yeah, yeah," I thought, "but, if I do everything right, blah, blah, blah...."
          Those older wiser women were right, of course, not that my older children are psychopaths or drug dealers or anything like that.
           The Bible has a lot to say about children and the nature of people in general. One of the verses most profoundly simple in summing up a child's behavior is Proverbs 22:15: "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him." Another simple explanatory verse is 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I understand as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." This verse implies that children behave childishly and do not think, speak or act like adults.  Delightfully, there are always exceptions...but not in my house.

          The best advice I could give to new moms is to say, "As precious as your children are, they do have a  sin nature and are childish in thought and behavior and you can not change this nature;  what you can do is do your best in lovingly training  and disciplining them, and all the while putting them into God's loving hands, praying for them consistently.
           Let's get one important thing straight: NOBODY is perfect, not even moms and you cannot be a perfect mom. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes, apologize to your kids when you blow it and remember children behave like CHILDREN.

Life Before Netflix

       Since I like to watch movies my hubby decided to do something nice for me at Christmas by signing me up for Netflix. We got the one-DVD-at-a-time and unlimited streaming plan. It very much has been a double-edged sword for us. We were like kids in a candy shop when we first got started, looking through all the great stuff to watch, ignoring the not-so-good stuff, and trying to decide what to watch and in what order. It was all so tantalizing: so many choices, so little time. Every night we watched something different, finding it easy to find something everyone would enjoy; we found great "oldies" like "All Creatures Great and Small" and "Columbo" and wonderful British claymation like Sean the Sheep....until those became too ho hum for the younger crowd, teenagers to be exact.
        We had Netflix on every night in some form or another, often finding it difficult to agree on what we were going to watch. And too often we'd end up watching something with little redeeming value.  Soon enough we began to feel like Netflix was controlling us rather us controlling it. It was time to wake up and go back to life before Netflix.
         Before Netflix we had the TV on very little. We've always had very tight controls on our TV; while the kids were very young they were not allowed to turn the TV on. The only time we had it on was  for Sesame Street in the morning, an occasional sports program my husband particularly wanted to see, or when we rented a movie. Now and then we'd watch Masterpiece Theater in the evening after the kids were in bed. We decided we wanted our kids' primary mode of entertainment to be books and playtime; we wanted them to use their imaginations. As the kids got older we'd plan movie night, usually Friday or Saturday night, so as not to interfere with homework. Our kids at home now are ages 19, 16 and 15 and are still not allowed to turn on the TV anytime and I don't think any of them feel deprived...well, maybe one does.
         I know from experience how easy it is to get hooked on the TV.  As a kid growing up with free use of the television, I watched it any time I liked, night or day. My siblings and I easily watched 2-3 hours per day on weekdays and even more on the weekends.When I was a young mom home alone with my baby I got myself hooked on a couple soap operas. This was before Tivo or internet so I had to watch my show at the prescribed time, baby or no. I literally had to go through a type of withdrawal to break its hold on me.  So many people these days have programs that they must watch on certain nights at certain times. And too many conversations I've heard revolve around "who's doing what to whom on what show," like it really matters in real life. I don't want this for myself or my family.
Check out this link on TV and your family:  http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/protecting_your_family/tv_and_todays_family/directing_tvs_role_in_your_home.aspx
          I'm not going to get rid of Netflix but I am going to back off, perhaps only watch something once or twice per week and only if its quality. Life is too short to be filling my mind with junk. Now, Perry Mason, that's quality....every week day at noon. I call it recess for Mom.
  
P.S. I never would have watched Perry Mason with my little kids since its always about murder...but now that I have only teens at home I'm living on the wild side a little.

        
  

Hot Date

Yes, kids,Daddy and I are going out tonight! Yee ha! Whether you like it or not, it's the best thing for us AND for you. In the long run it is better for you that we do go out...alone.

I've come to realize over the years that one of the best things I can do for my children is to cultivate my relationship with my husband. One of the ways of working on our relationship is getting away together alone on a regular basis. This is just about the only time we get to talk to each other privately.(Talking in bed before dropping off to sleep doesn't count since most of the time we are way too tired to pay good attention to one another) Besides that I need to get away from my house and the kids once in a while.

Our dates are usually pretty simple: dinner and a movie or dinner and shopping. When we are trying to save money we do quickie dates or cheap dates. Cheap dates are usually things like eating out locally (saves on gas) and watching a movie at home by ourselves with kids banished to their rooms. Sometimes its a Saturday afternoon  lunch out at a local place combined with a trip to Restore, Habitat for Humanity's store. A quickie date sometimes involves my husband picking me up in the afternoon and taking me along with him on an errand he must run for work. I can knit in the car and we can talk privately while en route. I get to see all kinds of interesting places I wouldn't ordinarily see this way.  Recently I got to go with him to pick up a hive of bees he had ordered for work.  I also got to go with him to set the bees  out in the orchard at work. The bee supply place was fascinating and setting up the hive was way cool.

Our date times have become times of refreshment. We try to leave stresses at home or at least talk them out in the car at the beginning of our drive and limit the stressful topic to 10 minutes. Sometimes we make the rule, "no talking about the kids."  That's hard to hold to sometimes but it forces us to talk about other subjects. It keeps our relationship from being totally consumed by children. And I do believe that is good.